New Weiqht

= 112. I'm On A Hardcore Diet Dude. xD 500 To 800 Calories A Day. I also am doing 8 minutes of crunches daily & going to the gymn too where i do the eliptical machine & stationary bike. :3 & i won't be surprised if next time i weigh myself i'm less than 112. Cuz when i diet i lose a pound a day :D
:3

Holy Shit

Long story short: they found out about the pills & the cutting & took my pills so i can't od now. :( [can still cut though i have an endless stash of razors ^-^]
& OMG THIS IS THE MOST UPSETTING THING: i weigh motherfucking 114 again. FML. Yesterday was the biggest binge of my life, too. Ugh. I'm such a fat failure...

Confession

I cut last night. Pretty deep, i guess. I have been bingeing today :/ i feel horrible.
To top it all off i've been pretty numb since last night when i cut. I'm hoarding my nightly meds till i have 20 to OD on. & this time i won't go to the er. Hopefully i'll die from it, if i don't i'll at least get high :)
Anyway, it won't happen till next week. That's how long it will take to hoard up the pills..

Im A Horrible Anorexic

I Just give up, fuck it. I'll let myself get fat bc i <3 my food like a bingeaholic. Besides my [maybe bf?] would like it if i gained more weight. Otherwise during sex my spine would prbly break, LMFAO. xD
I'll Prbly relapse into anorexia sometime but for now i'ma just chill...maybe some of you can too. We're beautiful without being thin! So accept it <3

OH MY GOD

I am so triggered right now! I just wana lose lose lose weight. I feel like such a failure for eating so much this week *cries* I can't believe i gave up that easy! What the hell!! I am in a HUGE need for fasting..seriously. I din't even wanna THINK of how much weight i've gained here in europe! What is wrong with me??? -.- Just wait till i get home. Just fucking WAIT.

Since This Week Is Binqe Week...

I'm having fun enjoying all the crap that i eat. Really. I have energy & a good mood. Feel horrible about myself though but oh well. -.- Hopefully a week of eating alot won't make me too fat...>.<
Can't wait to get home so i can start fasting again. <|3

Fuck Me

This morning blacked out cuz i had no food in my system. So i gave up today & have been eating a ton i'm just so hungry. T_T I'm A fucking horrible anorexic. Fml. I'm such a fatass.

Hmmm...

Vampirefreaks.com is being a bitch rightnow & won't load for me...so if anyone is reading this from vf that's why i can't get on...-.- It better Fix itself soon.

Today

Leaving for europe today. Wish me luck i won't gain weight...if i have to i'll just downrite refuse food at meals. No fucking one can make me eat. I've made so much progress i can't let them fuck it up! I've been strong enough to not binge over the past few days & i'm losing about a pound a day! My fucking family is NOT gonna ruin it.

Triqqered/Worried/Upset

Tomorrow i'm going to europe. & Idk How I'm Gonna get out of meals there. It's vacation & we're gonna be eating out a lot in france...we'll be doing alot of walking though but still i just know i'm gonna gain weight! *cries*
I don't want this...i just want to starve myself for weeks. It's not like i'd die! Just pass out a little bit...why is it my family's fucking mission to fatten me up?! When i get home i'm gonna have to start ALL OVER on losing weight! Just fuck my life!!!!!

Update :D

My New Weiqht=110. Lost 2 Pounds. :)

Ugh

Today i have only had fruit snacks. Before then, i had gone 15 hours without eating. That was very good of me, i was unbelievably hungry. I still am but not as bad. I could've waited until dinner to eat anything but my willpOwer is weak. :( I am a fat failure...

Second Thoughts

So this morning i'm having second thoughts about not eating. :( I am so hungry i really wanna eat. But i've been making progress so there's no way i'm gonna give up & eat. I feel great. I know it's all in my head, how i already feel skinnier, but i would rather feel skinny & not really be skinny than to feel fat when i am fat. I'm just weird...
Man do i love fantasizing about eating food. It's too bad I can't though. But oh well. I'm getting so much better at resisting food. I'm proud of myself. I wonder how long i'll be able to go without food today before someone makes me eat...

Tonight

God i love the feeling of hunger. Since i can't cut i'm enjoying the hunger pains. <3
Didn't eat anything since after lunch time. Not gonna eat breakfast tomorrow either. I <3 this eating disorder. Please let me lose weight. I feel horrible; my stomach is bloated & it's kinda cramped. -.- But i'm proud of myself for not eating any of the delicious looking food, especially the dessert. Just keep telling myself i'll feel horrible about myself. That's pretty much how i'm makin this work. I want to lose weight so bad. :(

:)

Going to spend the night at my friends house tonight for her Birthday. =] So i can get out of eating dinner which is good. I ate grits, halfva piece of cantaloupe, pinto beans, fried ocra, & macaroni. That was wayyyyyy too much. My grandma's goal in life is to make me so fucking fat. But thankfully i am making progress; the tops of my pants are getting looser. Despite their efforts at making me eat alot are failing. I'm doing the best i can to under eat & exercise: doing crunches, riding my bike, doing planks, & other things like that before & after every meal. [Exercising right before eating speeds up your metabolism, hehe.]
So at 6 i'm going to Olive Garden with my friends. My parents gave me money for food so i'll just hide it so they think i spent it. Then i can sAy when i get home tomorrow that i had breakfast at my friends house so i'll only have to eat lunch & dinner thank god. Ugh. I am so hungry but if it wasn't for my family i would starve mysfelf to death. I'm VERY inspired to starve so i can lose weight. Cuz compared to other anorexics i look like a fucking whale! I've got to change that. I swear i will, one day.<3

So...

I guess you could call me anorexic. I'm 5'10 & weigh 112...I'm trying to get to 100. But my family makes me eat too much. & my sister said that if i don't start eating more then i can't go to the gymn anymore...being 16 fucking sucks. I can't wait till i have a house of my own so i can cut & starve into oblivian. I feel so horrible when i eat. I just wanna lose weight& get more skinny. It's so hard though. But i promise i won't ever give up. I hope someday i weigh 85. I want to be nothing more than a skeleton. Don't ask me why i just can't get it out of my head. This eating disorder is starting to slowly take over my life & i just want more & more. Skinny is how i feel good about myself. Skinny is what makes me feel beautiful, like a model. I would just die if i ever gained any more weight. If it wasn't for my family i could go weeks without eating. But no, they make me eat shit every fucking day. They want me to gain weight, say i'm underweight. What the fuck?! It's my body, & since i have to hold it out on the cutting for a while, i need this ED to take the place. My eating disorder is the main focus of my life now. No more will i binge eat. & i've tried purging but it doesn't work! I don't have a gag reflex or something. What do you think?
So anywho, it's half past 12 now & i'm kinda tired. I will post more tomorrow.