Seriously, the only thing that makes my day is music and my favorite band members. I wish I could meet Dani Filth or Vas Kallas. But that probably won't happen until I'm older, and by then, they'll be older as well and just not the same.
I don't even want to get started on the topic of aging. It scares me. Everyone you love gets older and closer to dying each day. Sometimes when I think about it too much I get so fucking anxious. And *I* become afraid of aging! Sometimes I think I'd be better off dying young than getting old. I can't imagine getting wrinkles, and everyone thinking I'm just another old geyser.
Why am I suddenly worrying about this stuff? I'm fucking 18!
Just ugh...
Yesterday was pretty unpleasant. But to end my night I drew some. I kind of miss drawing. I don't really like sketching anything besides people, though. Even though sometimes people can be so hard to draw. But usually once I get started, the proportions even themselves out and my drawings look decent.
So I have drawn Dani and Vas so far... I wonder who's next? Maybe I could try to draw Chibi from The Birthday Massacre? I don't know... I might not. I could always turn to drawing faeries, elves, and mermaids again. That was fun while it lasted. But after a while I got frustrated because I felt as if my drawing skills went down the toilet. But some days I just can't draw, while on others, my work looks fine. I guess some days are just like that.
Have my psych class today. Not looking forward to that. I'm going to drop it if I do terrible (like I expect) on my first exam next Tuesday.. I just can't retain all the info coming from that class. My memory is horrible, thanks to countless overdoses and years of being malnourished.
But that's life. It sucks.
Today I think will be a better day. I am in control of my emotions now, where in the past I just let my depression and loneliness take over me. NOT ANYMORE.
Mental illness will never rule my life again. I won't let it.
There are some things to live for... that is until you get old! Ha, back to the start. I really don't want to get old, and I don't want the people I love to get old, either. It's just disconcerting. :/