Back

Decided to start blogging again. Writing in my journal pisses me off because my handwriting is only getting ever the sloppier, so typing shall be the way to go.
Recovery is going alright, I purge sometimes (which is usually impulsively) but mostly I am quitting. Just yesterday I almost purged again but I stopped myself. That's how I know my eating disorder is slowly dying. I can't help but to feel sad about that, but it's the way it has to be. I am happier when I eat and when I keep the food inside me. It is impossible to ever be happy eating 500 calories each day, walking with death and always wondering when you'll finally die. ED always tells you it would all be worth it as long as you're incredibly skinny, but it is never worth it. I need to live. The past five years of my life I have wasted, to say the least.
Now I am in college and though it is overwhelming, I am still surviving.. And I must add, music makes everything tolerable. <3
I have added some Hanzel und Gretyl, Genitorturers, and The Cruxshadows on my iPod. Love it!
Lately I am actually questioning my sexuality. I don't really feel like going into detail over it, but to say the least, I don't trust males and I never have.. I find myself more and more admiring girls, loving that I can relate to so many friends I've met in treatment, how I can trust all my friends (who are girls). I don't know, something is definitely changing. And I think it's for the best. I hope whenever I do find a partner I will be happy, whether it's a girl or a guy.
Well that's it for now. Until later.